Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
