I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
