I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
