If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
