i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
