I can tuck mytits in my pants
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You pole danced in your parka.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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