Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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