you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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