After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
