see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
