Nicole vs. Life
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
