i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
