just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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