Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
