my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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