SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, beer. Big fan.
this hospital has no fireball
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
