i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
