She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
