I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
