I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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