so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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