you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
