the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
