Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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