Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
