Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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