Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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