New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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