So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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