I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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