I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
