i think i have two assholes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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