the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
