Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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