Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
