Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My hand turned me down
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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