I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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