I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
