forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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