That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
