we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
