I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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