i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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