I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
