I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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