Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
