I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
