i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mom said you looked used
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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