I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I supernannyed him into submission
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
