I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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