There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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