I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
