he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
